Seven Quick Takes

1. I have a bad habit of over-analyzing pop song lyrics. I probably shouldn’t take them so seriously – in fact, a musician friend of mine said that lyrics don’t even COUNT when you’re deciding whether a song is good or not, but as a writer, I STRONGLY DISAGREE – but I can’t help it. Sometimes I listen to a song, then I start to get what the singer is actually saying, and suddenly I’m all Double-U Tee Eff, man, this is just straight up STUPID. Or sexist. Or (frequently) both.

And then there are the lyrics that are just plain old sad. Like yesterday, I was listening to Bryan Adams’ Summer of ’69 and I was struck by the refrain, “Those were the best days of my life.” Really? REALLY? I mean, I understand the concept of reminiscing fondly about your teenage years – oh, to be young and carefree and thin again – but after about 2.5 seconds of wistful memories I’m clobbered by reminders of the teenage angst. Plus what does that say about your life if the best days of it were 5 or 10 or 50 years ago? You are clearly doing things wrong. I think right now is the best time of my life, but I hope that I think that ten years from now is even more awesome.

The thing is, I think that song appeals to so many people because our culture worships youth. As if being irresponsible and sexy is all we have to aspire to, and we lose value as human beings with every wrinkle and sag. Which is a lot of baloney but I think most Americans secretly agree.

See? I totally over-analyze pop songs. You were warned.

2. There’s another song that’s getting a lot of airplay right now that’s really pissing me off. The problem is that I want to like the song – it has a really sexy melody that just begs you to start dancing or making out – but the lyrics are some of the most annoying pseudo-self-help-psycho-babble crap to come out of the late 20th century. Basically it’s all about how this guy thinks this girl is REALLY AWESOME but he just can’t be in a relationship with her. Sorry. Having been through MORE than my share of ill-conceived romantic unions, I can tell you that I dumped and was dumped with this drivel more than a few times. And with some age and perspective, it really drives me nuts, because I see so many people falling into this bucket of dumb: “You are REALLY GREAT and I totally like HAVING SEX WITH YOU but you’re just not the person I want to actually BE INVOLVED WITH.” I think settling down and having kids has turned me into my grandmother, but I honestly want to throttle anyone who thinks that it’s acceptable to use someone physically but reject them relationally. Post-modern America, I hates you sometimes.

3. Sorry bout the radio-induced pop culture rage-y quick takes. I will step off the soap box now. Let me share with you something kind of funny that popped into my head a few weeks ago:

Smoochagator’s Guide to Pinterest Users:

• The Design Professional – has 450 boards, most with obscure names like “Charmaine Chatreuse” and “If I Had a Hammer.” Has pinned 3,297,864 different images, 3 million of which have something to do with Helvetica, mid-century modern design, or repurposing toilet paper tubes. Has apparently perfected the art of getting paid to surf the net. YOU HATE THIS PERSON.
  

  This is what you get when you Google “helvetica toilet paper.” I love the internet.

• The Stepford Mommy Blogger – has four kids, is a size four, posts about forty pictures every day on her super-popular blog, and makes forty million dollars a year through her Etsy shop. All of her pins link back to her blog, which you would think was really tacky if they weren’t THE COOLEST CRAFTY IDEAS YOU’VE EVER SEEN. You hate this person, but you LOVE her Advent printables, her summer cocktail recipes, and her photo wall tutorials.
• The Fashion Elitist – all of her pins are links to high-end handbags and shoes, non-English-language webpages for obscure fashion magazines, pictures of emaciated models, and of course, three hundred images of Coco Chanel and/or Karl Lagerfeld. Oh, and at least one picture of every hair color Linda Evangelista has ever had.

  

  Sorry, darlings. Only Karl can be THIS fabulous.

6. Whatever. It totally cracked me up. And yeah, I think that counted as three different takes.

7. This is the weekend y’all. I know I’ve said it about a million times before. But this REALLY is the weekend that I’m going to make a difference in my cluttered house. REALLY REALLY REALLY. I’m gonna be brutal. I gonna throw away half-used tubes of hand cream and not even feel bad about it! I’m going to fill boxes and boxes with stuff for my next yard sale. I am not going to feel bad about giving away things that A) I paid good money for or B) were a gift. I WILL NOT BE OWNED BY MY STUFF. I promise that I will have a good report for you next week!

7-point-5. And in case you’re wondering if I actually did any sewing last week, the answer is NO. I did, however, BUY THE FABRIC. I consider this a move in the right direction. Of course that’s another thing in my over-crowded home that I want to get all tidy and organized BUT WHATEVER DON’T POINT OUT MY LOGICAL FALLACIES.

Have a lovely weekend and go see The Fulwinator for more quick takes.