Seven Quick Takes

1. During last week’s quick takes, Grace referred her lovely readers to this Etsy shop which made me O.O with its super adorable dollies and cloth baby wipes and bibs and all those other nifty crafty things. Plus the shopkeeper is based in Pittsburgh and we all know what that means. Oh, you don’t know? IT MEANS SHE RULES, THAT’S WHAT.

2. No, I’m not from Pittsburgh. Though I can see why you’d be confused, what with how I rule and all. Actually, it’s my hubby that hails from the land of black and gold, and I have learned that marrying a Pittsburghian is like marrying a Scientologist. It is a cult, there is no way out, and you may as well just stop resisting, drink the Kool Aid, and join the crazy.

Yes, it’s pretty much JUST LIKE THIS.

3. This week a friend introduced me to AbeBooks, which appears to be a great place to get used books on the cheap. We know I love books and we know I am cheap so I am a little bit stoked. But so far the AbeBooks feature I like best is the Weird Books Room:

Click on the image to embiggen. My favorite selection on that page? Working IX to V: Orgy Planners, Funeral Clowns and Other Prized Professions of the Ancient World. Yours for just $16.28 (free shipping)!

4. Jen announced this week that she’s been asked to star in a reality-show-type docu-special-thingie. Which I think is TOTALLY AWESOME because I would love to watch her on television pretty much every day because she is a hoot and a half. But when I left a congratulatory comment, I felt compelled (as usual) to make her good news ALL ABOUT ME by relating the fact that my father-in-law has (supposedly) been invited to participate in a competitive cable reality show, and that he turned it down, which totally bummed me out.

You see, my father-in-law is SPECIAL. He really ought to have a large flashing disclaimer sign attached to his head. He is so off-the-charts inappropriate and bizarrely prejudiced (for instance: an intense and irrational hatred of midgets) that you can’t help but be fascinated by him. So I am confident that if he ever appeared on any sort of game show, he would become a fan favorite, and before long would be offered his own reality show. Which, in my selfish and twisted brain, translates into fame and fortune FOR ME. (Hey, at some point we’d have to participate in the shenanigans, AMIRITE? I mean, we’re family! And every good comedian needs a straight man.)

Anyway, Jen’s reasoning for doing this reality show is to somehow spread the gospel and be a good witness and blah blah blah, which I guess is slightly cooler than my deep-rooted (possibly related to repressed childhood trauma, the jury’s still out) need for (usually inappropriate) attention. Which is probably why I don’t have a TV show and she does. Let’s be real, though – my pathological desire to be famous is probably teeny-weeny compared to that of actual reality TV stars.

5. So my last post was kind of a downer, and I totally spent hardly any time at all (read: hours and hours of obsessive self-consciousness) regretting it. But then I read this post by Elizabeth Esther and I was all, “WHEW. I may be a Judgey McJudgerson sometimes, but I’m not alone. And I don’t think that EE is a total cretin for admitting that she is sometimes less-than-charitable, so maybe my (4, count them, 4) readers won’t hate me (too much) for admitting the same.” Why does it feel so good to realize I’m not the only one who’s screwed up? I don’t think it’s that misery loves company or that I’m looking to “excuse my sin.” (Christian judgey-speak, holla.) I really do want to be a better person, and I think that’s true for most of the folks on this planet. I think we also just want to be sure that we won’t be rejected for being a work in progress.

6. I’m driving my new car now! It is so perfect for me. The next step is to personalize it, and I’m feeling rather angsty about that. You see, years ago, I had a silver VW Bug that was decked out with all kinds of awesomely offensive bumper stickers. I liked being known as the person with the cool bumper stickers, and I REALLY liked it that people would stop take photos of my car because I had such cool bumper stickers. (This may be related to the issues discussed in QT #4 above.) The thing is, some of my stickers were pretty in-your-face. Case in point:

Yeeeeah. I mean, most everyone thought it was funny, but some people (including my mother) were really offended by it. And at this point in my life, I don’t think there’s any point in offending people just for the sake of offending them. So I’m trying to find a couple of stickers that are edge-y and fun and generally non-offensive. So far the front runner in my quest is this puppy:

Although I suppose penguins might be offended by this… if they could read.

7. Oh, the other bumper sticker front runner? Right here:

Because I do. I REALLY, REALLY DO. I love my public library so much. One of the things that has me stoked about the fall is that the library is open on Sunday afternoons again – you know, so the school-aged procrastinators can do their last-minute homework assignments. And so 30-something me can spend a leisurely toddler-free afternoon picking out dozens of books that I probably won’t read anyway but that’s okay because they’re FREEEEEEE!